I just threw up on my dentist
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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