good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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