You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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