Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
