remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
