I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
