Having a random hookup so left but love u
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
