his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
