I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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