Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
