Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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