Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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