I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
