I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
