that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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