She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So vagazzling was a success
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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