I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
