i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
