I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
