we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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