Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
