I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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