you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
