It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Randomize
