My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
