all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
