that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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