how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
