WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
