So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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