Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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