My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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