I want to have your abortion
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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