Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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