theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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