I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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