are you still at the devil's house?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
