I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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