you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
