Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
