I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
