There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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