So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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