I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
