Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
