***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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