Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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