I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
