Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
