Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
