wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
