somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
