He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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