What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
